It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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