Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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