i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
