I got chris browned last night
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
