I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
