as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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