My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
