so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
