i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
