those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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