I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
