Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
