hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
