About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
