I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
