i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We don't watch enough power rangers
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
