; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
