Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
