The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
