Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
