I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
