Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
