Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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