I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
