Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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