just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
