yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
