wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
There's a naked man in my car right now.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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