ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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