can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
