Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
PANTIES FOUND
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
