Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Even my vagina gasped.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
When are your genitals available?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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