i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
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