i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
