I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Randomize
