No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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