i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
