he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Pooping to opera.
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