I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
