don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
