We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
