I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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