I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
