Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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