I am puke
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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