you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
