I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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