Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
i out mim tonsoeep
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