Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
