ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
