if i can run in heels then i can drive
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
