you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
